Do I belong?
by Orangeezer
Summary: Grimmjow and Orihime have a wonderful family with three sons, Klaine, Jake and Tovvie. Klaine looks like Grimmjow and Tovvie looks like Orihime and Jake... he was a mix. They live in bliss and happiness but only until the truth gets discovered...
1. Chapter 1

"Happy birthday, son!" Grimmjow grinned his widest grin, the light dancing in his turquoise eyes as he pinched the cheek of his youngest son. "Thanks Dad!" The birthday boy smiled back brightly, showing all his teeth just like his old man. Raising his can of beer to his lips, Grimmjow added, "You're a beautiful accident."

"Mom!" whined Tovvie as he banged his fists onto the table dramatically while looking out for his birthday cake.

His mother just giggled at him but then she turned and glared little daggers at Grimmjow. Her tiny little daggers shot at him made it a little hard for him to swallow the beer jammed in his throat. But he forced it down with a gulp and chuckled, "It was just a joke, dear…" He darted eyes to his children and mouthed "Look at your mother." His children responded with their laughs while Orihime creased her brows disapprovingly, but the ends of her lips were lifting up.

"Tovvie, you better cut your cake now, before the candle burns out!" Orihime said in a sing song voice as she leaned forward to the table. "Yea, hurry up and cut the cake!" Jake, their second son, nudged his little brother in the ribs, all excited about the vanilla cake sitting in the middle of the dinner table. "Wait, Tov has to make a wish first, isn't it always like this?" The eldest son stopped his youngest sibling. "Oh, right! Make a wish, Tovvie!" Jake halted his little brother's hand which was almost going to slice the cake into half.

Little Tovvie put down the plastic knife and moved really close to his eleventh birthday cake, his palms on his knees and his head bowed down sincerely. Everyone else stayed still and quiet, silently watching the candle flames lighting up his chubby cheeks and making shadows from his eyelashes. He was another version of his mother, orange-brown hair, eyelashes long like brushes and plump lips spread into a smile. The room was silent except for the football match playing in the television. The spectators' cheers sounded distant as the family soaked themselves in the magical moment of Tovvie's little birthday wish. Everyone jerked back a little as Tovvie's eyelids suddenly made way for a pair of shocking blue orbs with the ocean's colour intensified in the presence of eleven little candle flames. He sucked up a deep breath and blew out the candles in one loud, long blow like a big bad wolf.

"Oh man, what the hell, I'm not going to eat that cake anymore. Urggghn." Jake made a disgusted face at Tovvie who glared at him.

"Then you don't eat." Klaine, the eldest son, looked at Jake from the side of his eye as he said coolly. Klaine had always been quite a 'cold' person especially since he was born with eyes like his father. The cerulean eyes with a hungry leopard living inside the endless depths and the cerulean hair cut short to a crop, showing off his sharp jaw line. If Tovvie was another version of his mother, he was the other version of his Dad. But Grimmjow predicts that one day he might have to _look up _to his big son since he was already his height when he was only 19. Plus, he drinks milk like it's free. "Hey! I thought just bought this yesterday! FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. Don't just chug it all down in one friggin' morning, you little rascal!" Grimmjow has to scream this line almost every morning with the crushed and empty 1.5 litre milk carton that he fished out from the rubbish bin in his hand. He once thought of getting a cow for Klaine. Greatest milk supply. No need to buy milk from supermarket. So, all in all, Klaine looks like a gangster and loves milk.

"Gangster." Jake mumbled under his breath and pouted. "What did you say? My cute little brother." Klaine smiled lovingly at him, so it looks, and stretched out his arm over Tovvie to grab the back of Jake's head, his fingers pulling a little too hard on tufts of brown hair. Klaine hates when people call him gangster, especially his annoying little brother. "Ouch, ouch, OW!" Jake gripped on his brother's muscled arm, neither of the two budging at all. Ignoring the lightning above his head coming out from the glares of the two idiots, Tovvie proceeded to cut the cake. Both parents cheered and clapped happily.

"Stop it, you two." Grimmjow kicked Klaine's leg lightly under the table. Having let go of his brother's hair under the stern look from his father, Klaine placed his outstretched hand on Tovvie's shoulder and shook him lovingly like a big brother. "Happy birthday, kid."

"Hey what did you wish for?" Jake turned to face Tovvie and asked curiously while massaging his poor scalp. "I can't tell you! It'll not come true!" Jake gave a little "tsk" but soon turned his attention to the cake. "Oh mom, I want the big one, the big one!" Orihime smiled and passed the biggest piece of cake to him. Jake was kind of like a black hole in the house, he clears up all unfinished food and steals from his brother's plates. Sometimes he forgets his father's vicious headlock and steals from his plate too. But the weird thing is, he never gets fatter. He was not freak-skinny but still quite thin. That is a little disadvantageous whenever he fought with his brother, Klaine. After his Dad and his big brother, he was the third tallest in the house. He had brown hair with a little hint of orange, layered and a little messy. He had blue eyes, not shocking ones like his father's, but gentle ones. It was a little like his Dad's eye colour with white added in. He was not very like his parents, maybe somewhere in the middle of the two. Being a happy sunshine boy, he was quite tanned and energetic. He was the opposite of Klaine. With the two added together, Grimmjow had a big headache. Klaine clears out all the milk and bacon while Jake finishes all the rest.

"Jakey eats a lot, like a pig!" announced Tovvie, a little bewildered.

"Jakey _is _a pig." mumbled Klaine.

"Jakey just has a very good appetite, Tovvie." Orihime smiled gently at Tovvie and wiped a bit of cream from his mouth. Tovvie smiled brightly at his gentle mother.

"Great cake man! Thanks!" Jake swallowed the last mouth of cake and patted his little brother's head gently. "Happy birthday, bro!" Tovvie beamed at him, his eyes sparkling.

Grimmjow looked at his second son, wide-eyed. "You finished already?" Jake gave his Dad a puzzled look and asked "Yeah, why?" And with that, Grimmjow lost control. He clutched his stomach and fell backwards onto his chair, laughing uncontrollably. The rest of the family could not help but join in as they get infected with his wild laughter. Jake sat quietly and felt very much perplexed as he shrank into his seat. The laughter soon subsided and Grimmjow wiped a tear from a corner of his eye, holding onto the edge of the table weakly. "What?" Jake shouted, a little furious and embarrassed. "Nothing, son… It's just that, it's just that your appetite is amazing." Grimmjow said with very much effort while his throat threatened to let out another heap of laughs again. Jake blushed and pouted. "Oh dear, its not a bad thing, it's adorable!" Orihime added, both her hands on her chest as she looked at him adoringly.

At this moment, Klaine could not help but add on, "Like a pig."

All chaos ensues.

The two brothers wrestled each other on the floor while Grimmjow enjoyed his beer and watched with amusement. Orihime shook her head with a defeated sigh and Tovvie laughed out loudly as he heard a dramatic groan coming out from his second brother.

It was a crazy night but the whole house was filled with warmth while snow fell from sky and rested on the edge of their windows.


	2. Chapter 2

_Yawn._

Jake leaned back on the sofa, watery eyes focusing on the television. He was home alone and really bored. Nobody's here to shove him out of the sofa and make him walk Scruffy. Nobody's disturbing him by putting a leg on his shoulder while squeezing into the sofa with him. Nobody's asking him to help do a math question even a hamster would know how to do; his hamster could do it, Cheese could. And nobody's here to make weird but somehow-pretty-good little pastries for him. The whole family was out except for him. Dad was at work, Mom took Tovvie to piano class and would probably make a trip to the supermarket and Klaine was highly possibly getting some sunshine and girls while Jake was sulking at home.

"Oh man…" Jake gave a glum look at the woman holding a freshly baked bread in a commercial. His bottom lip jutted out as his looked down at his growling stomach. Klaine told him ten years ago that when he was born, a monster was inside of him and Daddy had to hire an exorcist to exorcise the little demon. But all the exorcist could do was to seal the monster inside of him, and that explains his crazy appetite, he needed to feed one boy and a monster through one mouth. Jake snorted. That scam story is like that guy in a ninja anime where he got a fox inside him. Jake strolled lazily to the window, his hands in his pockets and his back hunched. Scruffy was chasing falling leaves in the frontyard, his tongue flapping at the side of his drooling mouth as he lept up to snatch a falling maple leaf. The yard was littered with leaves like a collage of yellow, orange and maroon. Jake rested his forehead on the window and puffed hot air on the cool glass. "How energetic." commented Jake as Scruffy made another jump at a leaf dancing by. He scratched his back and yawned.

An hour later.

Jake was making a decision, a really tough decision. He stood in front of the very-much-empty fridge, staring really hard at a piece of ham. Having cleared out every single piece of food he could find and could eat, cake, sandwich, soda, instant noodles, tidbits, apples, chocolate bars, almost everything edible he ate it except milk and bacon. The gangster in the house reserved these two items and the penalty for eating them was to receive a heartwarming wrestle between brothers where only one comes out alive. Oh, and also the conetto ice-cream was out of bounds, Tovvie would scream in his ears if he had devoured it.

Jake stared at the piece of honey baked ham, the edges of skin brown and the rest of the meat is pinkish. It looked so tasty but it was the last one left. _No! Should leave it for tomorrow's breakfast!_ Slamming the door shut, Jake turned on his heel and stomped out of the kitchen.But a growl from his stomach made him change his mind and stomp back. His little monster was hungry. Jake gave an evil laugh and slapped the ham on a piece of bread and folded it tight before biting down on it with a blissful expression of love.

After he cleared out the last piece of food he was allowed to touch in mere seconds, he lazily moved himself upstairs. "Hi Cheese!" He greeted his hamster as he flung himself into his bed. He used to have two hamsters but one died a few months ago, it was called Ham. Ham and Cheese was the cutest combination. Tovvie fed Ham some juicy honeydew and the next day Ham was dead, foaming out juice.

Jake took the hamster cage to his bed and took out Cheese. "Don't you miss Ham?" Jake held Cheese in the air while he lied down on the bed. "I wonder where Dad buried him…" He lowered Cheese to his stomach while he tried to recall Ham's burial place. Then, he felt a little stirring on his stomach and something toppling onto the bed. He looked and there was Cheese, on the floor, scrambling out of the room. "Ah! Cheese!" Jake gave a little yelp and followed the little hamster. Hamsters can be a real annoyance when they hide themselves, you don't even know when they will bite on a wire and die.

Jake flustered behind Cheese while chasing it like a walking duck. Cheese soon made its way into the master bedroom and escaped Jake's hands as he ducked underneath Orihime's dressing table. "Shit!" Jake crashed down onto the floor and knocked his head onto the leg of the table with his arms outstretched. "Aaackk! Damn you, Cheese!" Jake squirmed on the floor as his head throbbed from the pain. He heard a little squeak from underneath the dressing table as if Cheese was mocking him. Letting out a frustrated growl and making a mental note to never let Cheese out of the cage again, Jake reached out to grab Cheese. "Aha, little hammie." Cheese did not struggle as it shifted itself into a more comfortable position in Jake's hand, little eyes twinkling at its owner. "Oh no, I'm not going to forgive you." Jake wagged a little finger at the tiny rodent with his lips pouting.

Having put Cheese back into his little cage, Jake went back into his parents' room and searched underneath the dressing table. He knew he touched something when he grabbed Cheese. And he was curious. Maybe it was some family fortune hidden there by his Dad who always seemed a little suspicious. Indeed, his hand found a hard object, a box perhaps. He took out the dusty box and swept away the little dust bunnies on it. "Ooooh, so mysterious." Jake always thought his Dad was a yakuza boss or a secret organisation leader. His fingers were on the lid, ready to reveal the secret within the ancient wooden box but his conscience stopped him. Jake sucked on his upper lip. Its not nice to peek into other people's things. But, he was really curious! Sitting cross-legged on the floor, Jake battled between his two inner-selves while making faces at the wooden box.

"Fine! I'll not look at it!" Jake came to a conclusion and squeezed his eyes shut. Lifting the little box to his ears, he shook it gently. A sound of collision between metal and wood came to his ears. He opened his eyes as he guessed the item in the box. "Its just jewelry?" Jake frowned at the weathered box in his hands. _Oh well, I guess its ok to look. _Opening the box, Jake revealed a silver necklace. It was a plain necklace, but the little angel on it caught Jake's eyes. He had feathered wings and curly hair. His eyes were closed and his lips curled into a small smile while hugging the heart in his arms, his head lowered to snuggle into it warmly. The baby angel was exquisitely crafted. Jake could not take his eyes off the wings of the angel. They seemed oddly familiar to him, with the little feathers crafted painstakingly onto it.

Jake paused for a moment and pushed the thought aside. He noticed a piece of yellowish paper underneath the necklace, on it wrote "Please read." Jake pulled out the crisp paper and debated to read or not to read. The edges were already yellow and the pen ink seemed to be fading away. The handwriting was curvy and neat. Its beautiful. Since he had already opened the box, Jake decided to just read the goddamn thing already. He opened the folded paper with care, touching the smooth surface with his finger tips. On the paper wrote,

_Dear Sir/Madam_

_Thank you. I don't know how to thank you enough._  
><em>I wish you can understand.<em>

Jake cocked an eyebrow

_I hope you can love him like your own._

"Now this is getting a little weird…" Jake thought.

At the end of the page were scribbles scattered messily. Compared to the beautiful handwriting from the previous words, those scribbles looked like they were written down in a hurry.

_His birthday is 13 June. If one day he would wish to see me, please give him the necklace in the envelope. His real name is Jake Kyles and my name is_

"Jakey! We're home!" Jake jumped in fright as Orihime's sweet voice rang through his ears. His heart throbbing behind his ribcage and his hands sweaty, Jake shoved the paper and necklace back into the box and slided it back underneath the dressing table. Dashing out of the room nervously, Jake's mind kept recalling the scribbled words he saw on the secret paper he never should have read.


	3. Chapter 3

Jake Kyles? Jake me?

Was it referring to me? Or is it some other guy named Jake? It can't be me, can it? But why would mom hide it if there's nothing I shouldn't know? And I have the same birthday as that guy! Don't tell me…

"OI!" A low pitched voice boomed and made Jake's heart jumped to his throat as his bedroom dong swung open suddenly.

"AHH! What the shit?" Jake flew out of his squashed bean bag and let out a not-quite-manly shriek while spilling out all the colourful vulgarities he knew at his sickening brother. Klaine cackled, very much amused while he sauntered off with a satisfied grin on his face. Jake watched as his bedroom door closed gradually with a 'clack' of the latch. He released a relieved sigh and rested his head on his fist, calming his alarmed nerves in the silence.

"Oh ya, I forgot," Jake gasped as Klaine made a sudden appearance again. "Mom told me to get you down for dinner." Jake shot an annoyed look at the intruding brother. "Grrrrrrrrrraaaah! Can't you just tell me without the scaring part?" Klaine grinned widely, his pink gums showing. "Get out." Flipping himself over, Jake buried his face into his bean bag and wished hard that Klaine would get out and leave him alone. "Come on, let's go. Your favourite, fooooood." Klaine dragged on the last word purposefully.

Standing outside of Jake's room with his neck stretched inside, Klaine rested one hand on the wall and the other pressed on the doorknob. The grin subsided into none as the wait for Jake to move became tiresome. His turquoise eyebrow raised as his eyes of the similar colour roamed the room before him. Photos and posters haphazardly pasted around the four walls strangely seemed to be of a perfect arrangement which made the room looked comfortable. Painted orange and flooded with photos and posters with a glowing lava lamp at the bedside, the room reflected Jake's personality. It was bright and messy but somehow nice when put together. The silence was getting extremely awkward as Jake continued to be a stone while Klaine stood motionless like a stature in Rome because he ran out of things to look at in Jake's room. Both were battling with each other's stubbornness, the first one to move would be the loser. However, Klaine was a guy who only believe in win-win and win-lose situations. He straightened himself up and cracked his knuckles. The heavy footsteps of Klaine's massive weight echoed in Jake's ears with an unhurried rhythm and got increasingly louder until it stopped. Jake took a peek behind him. There was a flash of turquoise blue and without warning, he was dragged off the bean bag with a firm grip on his ankles. It was burning hot and he could not shake it off. Klaine's hand burned like hot metal chains that gripped around his cold ankles.

Klaine clapped his hands in victory as he skipped down the stairs with Jake lying face down on the chilly wooden floor, throat a little hoarse from the screaming and swearing. "Alright! Time for dinner!" Klaine announced downstairs, clear amusement in his voice. Jake looked over his shoulder at the head of blue hair with his offensive finger flashing and spat, "Bitch."

At the dining table, the family remained mostly silent as they dug in, filling their hungry stomachs after a long day. Orihime's cooking had improved over the years, especially after somebody warned her of the danger of peculiar foods she loved to prepare towards her growing children. And also after the day when Klaine brutally rejected her as he bumped the bowl of chocolate marshmallow porridge off his baby table with his tiny little hands and wailed out a terrible cry as those cerulean eyes leaked out a waterfall of tears. Orihime felt a little sad that she had to give up on her exciting adventure of mixing different foods together to create a parade of exploding flavours. However, to Grimmjow, it was pretty good news.

The same thought whirled around his mind in a thousand different ways, spiraling and twisting, forming a million different answers to the troubling question inside of his head. Jake was extremely disturbed. His heart raced fast, beating with the rhythm of the blood through his veins between his ears, like a frantic deer running around the same tree over and over again. All he could hear was the beating inside of him, everything else was silent and unmoving. He feared and he hoped. He wanted to ask, but right now, right here? It was too unintelligent to be asking that awkward question at this moment, right in front of the whole family. He lifted his head up from his plate and saw his mother. His eyes felt a little strange. Those arms that raised him when he was still a child, those eyes that had always twinkled when they looked at him, those lips that kissed him lovingly, are those of his mother? His real mother? Jake felt a little tugging on his chest. He felt sad. He looked around. These people sitting around him, a day ago they belonged to him but right at this moment, he felt like they were strangers. He shook off the piercing thoughts and stared at the bowl of rice before him.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?"

He stared at his mother blankly, a little shock as he got knocked off from his own daydream. He opened his mouth, but he could not answer. He cannot tell her, he was unsure himself.

The next day, Jake locked himself in his room as he listened to the feet stepping on the wooden floor behind his bedroom wall. Sitting on the bed while hugging his knees, he waited for the silence.

"Bye, joker." Klaine's voice rumbled through the gap underneath the door. Jake closed his eyes as he felt strange. He didn't feel angry or annoyed when Klaine called him names anymore. Was there something wrong with him?

He listened to the movements outside. "Bye mom!" _Those light and speedy steps must be Tovvie._ "Bye bye!" _That sounded loud, Tovvie must have purposely leaned into the door and shouted.  
><em>  
>"Bye." <em>That must be Dad<em>. Jake imagined his Dad and Mom giving each other a little hug like they would do everyday before Grimmjow goes to work. _The soft knocks on the door should be Dad._

The silence surrounding him signaled that everyone was out, the coast was clear. Jake gave a twist to the knob and it let out a loud click as the lock jutted outwards. He poked his head out and gave an overall scan to the surroundings. Peaceful. All he could hear was Scruffy's barking in the backyard. Feeling the cool wood on his feet, Jake moved like a cat with quiet padded paws. The master bedroom's door was wide open. _Mom's home_. Having tried to look for the right time to clarify his thoughts, Jake decided to take this chance when the other family members was out to confront his mother. That little box with the paper and the necklace, was it related to him?

He gave a few knocks on the door with his knuckles. Turning away from her desktop, Orihime smiled at her second son and gave a little pat on the edge of the bed, beckoning him to come sit here. Biting on his upper lip, with his hands fisted in his pockets, Jake shuffled awkwardly to sit beside his mother like an obedient little puppy. "You have something to tell me, Jake?" Orihime turned her chair around and beamed at Jake, her hand touching his cheek gently. His toes fidgeting and his hands tugging on the insides of his pockets, Jake made a decision to ask bravely. But when he opened his mouth, all he could manage an inaudible rasp. Jake lowered his head in embarrassment and anxiety, gritting his teeth hard as the question would not budge from his throat and come out from his mouth. "What is it? Jakey, is something wrong?" The stroking on his head was soft and gentle and he could not bring himself to ask such a cruel question. He was afraid to hurt his loving mother as well as himself. He was scared. If he could, he would escape from the much-feared answer as far as he can. But then that his curiosity and a part of him was dying to learn of the answer, he could not choose to ignore.

"Mom," Those honeyed-brown eyes he met, he feared those lovely orbs would break. "am I…" Orihime leaned in, curious and concerned. Counting his loud heartbeat, Jake gathered up his last bit of courage and kicked himself mentally.

Finally, those words ran out.

"Mom, am I your real son?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A big HI! to people reading my fanfic... please review because I need some comments to improve on my writing 8) Thanks!**

Finally, those words ran out.

"Mom, am I your real son?"

His spine stiffened and his palms habitually started rubbing on the edge of his pants as they started to sweat profusely. A part of him inside laughed as he watched his mother's bewildered eyes staring right at him. Haha, how is that even possible, don't be stupid. Both mother and son stared awkwardly at each other as the quietness rang in their ears. Letting out a laugh Jake thought he sensed nervousness in, Orihime asked, "Why do you ask?"

That smile was not like the usual one, bright like orange sunlight and tasty like candy. There was something wrong about it. That made Jake felt uneasy and unsure. Those brows seemed to crease and quiver a little as those lips pulled into a smile they were forced into. Jake feared. His mother's expression seemed to have already told him the truth. But a part of him was battling with his analytical side, it was saying "No! That's not true! Don't be silly! Why don't you just ask her? She'll tell you the truth, dummie!" That part of him was holding onto the last bit of hope he sees in his eyes. "Mom, am I your real son?" he repeated the question, pretending that it was casual.  
>"Haha, why of course, Jakey! What made you ask that silly question?" There was one part of him that said, "Oh, that's true! Look at how silly I am!" But there was another part of him that thought the laugh his mother let out was not very convincing. And that part of him was dominant.<p>

He did not say anything else more or hesitate any longer. Swiftly and as steadily as he could manage, he kneeled next to the dressing table and reached underneath. Feeling around for the very much hidden object, he touched a familiar roughness of old wood. The dusty box held in his hand, he asked again, this time loud and clear. "Then, what is this?" Brown orbs widened into what appeared to be shock and fright as Jake lifted the box he fished out from underneath the dressing table to her eye level. Jake went on to opening the box as his mother remained silent. "Where is this from?" He pulled out the silver necklace and showed his mother. "And who is Jake Kyles?" He opened the slip of paper and tried to give it to his mother who moved not even a finger. "This Jake Kyles has the same birthday as me."

She could not speak a word. Those lies she ran out of, she could not find another one. Instead, what flowed out were salty tears she tasted in between her lips. "What is this?" Orhime smiled in between lines of tears as she asked in faked confusion. "I've never seen it before!" She exclaimed but the broken voice soaked in misery betrayed her. Everything was blurry and messy, and the bottom of her throat felt strangled and tortured as they tried to withstand the outburst of tears.

She understood. He already knew and he already discovered but all he was doing, showing her the evidence, was to make sure. His pale blue eyes begged her to reassure him of what he was hoping for. But sorry, she could not. She could no longer tell another lie at this state when the truth was spread out on the table, clear and obvious. "I'm sorry…" Those innocent blue eyes before her were beautiful like crystals in the deepest sea where mankind had never stained. But now she was going to make them shatter.

"Jake, you are not my real child."

Time stopped for a while and everything turned into black and white. Jake could hear the sound of rolling film behind his head. _Kachak… kachak…._Dark colours eroded into black and light ones faded into white made his world look like a plain of nothingness. Was he living in a colourless movie? All the colours seeped away and everything looked unreal. Truth hurts and it probably tastes salty and smells of nothing.

Jake croaked out a hoarse "Ok." It was broken and pitiful, it shattered Orihime's heart into smithereens. Those crystal blue eyes she broke made her heart fill with regret. She had to explain, she had to tell him no matter what, he was still a precious to her. "Jake, listen to me." She knelt down beside the boy with eyes so blank the blue in them seemed to have paled. With her hands on his, she pulled him into her embrace, hugging tightly as she was afraid he would push her away and run away at any moment. Using all her love she had, she passed all her warmth to her little boy. In her eyes, Jake would never grow up, he would always be the same little baby she had on that fateful day. Her sleeves felt wet and warm. Those tears she made her loved one flowed stung her hard and deep in the chest. So painful, she hoped she could bear the pain herself.

"Don't cry, mommy loves you…" Speaking words of those to a little baby, she cooed them out in between sobs while holding onto the trembling child in her arms deeply. Kissing his soft brown hair, smelling his scent that was different yet familiar like that scent she smelled while she held him when he was still a baby. At that time, he had been so small and soft and fragile but the Jake she held in her arms right then was still the same, he felt small as he curled himself into a ball, he felt soft and fragile as he gripped onto her arms, defenceless after a huge blow she inflicted onto him.

After a long while, Orihime gathered her emotions as she cupped Jake's cheeks, looking straight and stern into his watery eyes. "Listen to me, my dear. Don't look away. I have to tell you, no matter what you are thinking right now or what you want to do, I will always love you. You _are _my son. Daddy loves you too. Klaine and Tovvie will always be your brothers. Even if," The tears blurred her vision again. "Even if you want to find your real mother…" Real mother, those two words were hard to say out loud. It ached. "I will support you. I'm sure Daddy will support you too. But, please, please don't leave mommy. Mommy loves you…"

Breaking into tears again, Orihime held onto Jake like a lifeline and cried out, heartbroken. No one else could understand the guilt and pain of a mother, having to tell her child, the one she raised with all her efforts and the one she gave all her love to, that he did not belong to her. It felt like a little demon devouring you from inside, eating your guilt-filled soul as you spilled out the truth and let it free to manifest you. She felt that she betrayed her little precious. It was immoral. As much as she gave her love, he must have given the same amount too. And then she breaks his heart by telling him he had been loving the wrong person all this time.

Pain was not enough to describe the throb which was probably the bleeding of her heart, leaking out all the feelings she had inside as Jake tore himself from her own arms and muttered, "Mom, I'd like to have some time alone." The door closed and pieces of her heart died on the floor, scattered all around in a mess she would probably need some time to gather. But all she was concerned of was how badly his heart broke.


	5. Chapter 5

Counting each streetlight that passes by, Jake allowed his mind to slip into a state of serene and peace, like a little seagull drifting over a mass sea of blue, peaceful cerulean blue, while feeling the wind tickling it through its white fluffy feathers. _Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen_. The yellow they emitted was a comfortable colour, like a mask of protection one could seek while they strode along the paths that make one feel so insecure under the gloomy night sky, pitch black like robes of a witch.

Sitting slanted on one of the taxi's backseats, Jake rested his left temple on the taxi's door, beside car window while his eyes looked out blankly, not at all following the edifices and structures he passed. Indulging himself in this opportunity he hardly has, he pondered and wondered to the ends of the worlds as his vision explored the sky above him. Now that he had stopped racing with time, he put down all burdens he once shouldered and started realizing things around him. The sky at night was like a black canvas with white minute splotches of paint splattered all over it, messily disorientated yet the overview gives a perfectly well-painted piece of work. This star beside this star and this one so far away from this other one, they looked like a married couple having a tiff.

Listening to the friction between the road and the wheels of the vehicle humming around him and the occasional bumps and seemingly sounds of tiny rocks being crushed as the taxi drove pass, Jake immersed himself in his ever-changing thoughts that run anywhere it wanted to like a golden retriever released into a great field of daisies and green grass, totally comfortable despite the presence of the cab driver.

The moon held high and sat proudly at the furthest edge of the black canvas, away from the common stars that twinkle occasionally as if the luminosity they gave off would allow them a moment of attention beside the eye-catching moon that remained still, slouching back on its high throne away from the commoner's crowd. But still, the Lady moon was the one that captured the limelight of the night ball. Beautiful and noble, it isolated itself away from the little stars that occupied the black marble floors. Jake ogled the glowing moon that shone bronze-coloured and golden light that swiveled around it like dusty smoke. As he pondered and thought, Jake did not like the moon very much. Perching elegantly at the corner of the black canvas, it was the stunning crimson rose among leaves that no one would give a second look at. The belle of the ball it was, but the beauty it possessed was borrowed from the unseen sun that had set. It hangs at the peak of the night sky, powdered with the stolen light, showing off its beauty despicably in the absence of the sun it feared. Jake thought those insignificant stars like gleamed on its own despite how weakly it shone were truly more charming than the moon which gave a fake impression of beauty.

Jake mocked and slapped himself mentally as he realised how stupid and wild his thoughts had overflowed, even to the extent of hating a lifeless object orbiting in space which spoke no words and made no voluntary movements. He rubbed his cool cheeks with his lukewarm palms roughly, squeezing out the last bit of consciousness he had in the dead of the night when he should be snuggling in bed and frolicking in 'lalaland'. Frolicking in 'lalaland' was too much of an exaggeration. In these few weeks, he had been entering a plain of gray, dusty space where smoke spirals in the misty air after he closed his eyes and letting his thoughts dissipate for hours. He had not been able to sleep well. In that gray plain, he was the only one, sitting on the edge of a similarly gray cliff, swinging his legs as his shoelaces flung in midair for ages until the mists rise and swallow him. Then he would wake up, groggy and lethargic despite a whole night of sleep. He cannot understand why just sitting in gray smoke and dust make him so tired like he never slept.

The taxi decelerated and stopped with a little jerk that shook him out of his daydream. He rubbed his eyes while he fumbled in his bag pack for his wallet. After receiving his change and giving his thanks to the driver, he stepped out of the small cab and stretched himself gratefully while taking a deep breath of the sleeping trees and closed flower petals surrounding him. The smell of live wood and pollen, naturally fragrant, woke his sleepy cells a little. Taking long, lazy strides forward like an old moose that had walked most of all the greens he could see, Jake finally gripped hold of the chilling door knob and twisted his key in it. He entered through the ebony door which had a pink droopy orchid hanging on it like a gecko lizard.

For the past two months, he had been going anywhere he wanted like an aimless traveler. He went to the beach, where he sat on the sand till evening when the sun turned orange and pomegranate juice spilled all over on the sky while he observed a little crab made its way home; He went to the farm, where he fed the cows and chased the flustered sheep into the yard while the shepherd dog followed him like a puppy; He went to the library, where he flipped through children's picture books, encyclopaedias, romance novels and the seven Harry Potter books.

He escaped out of town and set a gigantic distance between himself and his family. Safely putting himself in a place where no one knew him, he went alone and left behind everything else that was not necessary. That day he found out about the truth, he saw his mother's crystal tears and miserable face, his big brother's puzzled expression as he dashed out of the door. Luckily, he didn't have to see another loved one in tears as he left the house.

He plopped himself into the maroon couch and watched the fireflies hover around the ceiling light while bumping into it silly. Jake was resting in an unused house lent to him by his longtime buddy. He was grateful he found a roof over his head after he ran away from home on impulse. Yes, it was impulsive and reckless but Jake never thought he regretted it. He needed some time and his mother, too, needed to recover herself. He wondered how things are at home. _Had Mom told Dad yet?_ And what about his brothers? His heart gave a little lurch. Jake was scared that the ones that accompanied him most of his life would give him looks he never wanted to see. _Dad surely knows about me… But Klaine and Tovvie… They might be…_Jake flipped himself over and buried his face into the couch as he felt wetness overcome his vision.

_What would Klaine think if he found out that I was adopted? What would Tovvie think if he found out that I was adopted? What would Dad feel if he found out that I found out? I don't want to break his heart. Klaine… he probably would feel disgusted that I had been living with him all this time when I don't even belong to his family. I'm scared. I don't want Tovvie to dislike me. He's my baby brother, I don't want to stop being his big brother. Maybe he'll despise me. I'm a filthy brat nobody wants. I was abandoned. Klaine would be celebrating now. He's never liked me before. I still remember how he would look at me with a weird face when I tried to play with him. Sometimes when he does play with me, he teased and bullied. He always liked Tovvie more than me…_

As Jake thought of this, his pale blue eyes became watery again.

_No, no, stop thinking like this! It's only because you feel alone now that you think of it like this! He behaves like a big brother to you too! Just that he is rougher to you! Don't think like this, you idiot! Bad thoughts!  
><em>  
>Brown locks covered his troubled squinted eyes as he shook his head furiously. His chaotic thoughts turned peaceful as he remembered that summer when he was making a fool out of himself along with his brothers on the beach, running like mad children while firing buckets of sea water and slushy sand at each other under the scorching sun. He vaguely remembered suffering a painful sunburn the next day because he ran away before his mommy could put sun block on him. He even ate a mouthful of sand thanks to his evil brother with devil blue eyes. He remembered those mischievous cerulean eyes he saw before he was engulfed with piles of hot sand that baked him like a sweet potato.<p>

Jake involuntarily let out a small chuckle.

Tovvie was as cute as ever at that time, although he was always an annoyance. He remembered the breeze he felt and the ticklish feeling from the orange locks of hair that brushed across his arms. They were watching crabs shielding themselves from the gushing high tide together. Tovvie was still so small at that time, his head only reached Jake's biceps when they squatted down on the mushy sand that seeped through in between their toes. Tovvie was his first baby brother and his only. He jumped in joy when the nurse came out of the delivery room with a wrinkly little baby in her arms and congratulated him, "Congratulations! It's a baby brother!" He didn't care how hideous Tovvie looked when he first came to this world, he had a baby brother! He liked to pinch his little brother's soft, chubby cheeks and touch his lofty, fine hair. He watched how Tovvie's wrinkles disappeared and how Tovvie's eyes slowly opened to huge brown honey orbs and then there was the day when Tovvie called him "Jay-jay".

As they watched an unfortunate crab get washed away by the frothy waves, Klaine came along and pushed him into the waters. He was so afraid his heart stopped for a beat because he suddenly forgot how to swim and paddle. When he found consciousness again, he was looking up into wide blue eyes. Klaine panicked when he did not resurface. That evil brother of his pranked him but in the end, it was Klaine, the prankster, who got scared out of mind the most. He recalled how Klaine shook him and questioned him repeatedly, "Are you ok? You sure you're okay? What the hell, can't you swim? Did you drink a lot of water? You ok?" He remembered how painfully and forcefully Klaine gripped onto him while he sat in his big brother's lap, dazed from the shock he received and still shivering and dripping wet in sea water.

_Stupid faggot… pushed me into the friggin' water._

Jake smirked at Klaine's flustered face that flashed across his mind.

He remembered how badly Klaine got spanked when their Daddy learnt of the accident. Klaine got punished_ real_bad. That day, he laughed into his pillow when he thought of it.

He felt loved.

Jake stood up from the couch and headed for the bathroom. Feeling the water running from cold to warm, his brain threw him another piece of memory he had chucked to a box called "old stuff".

When he was a little boy, he didn't like to take baths and he always gave his Daddy a huge headache since Mommy was busy with housework and he was left in the hands of his not-so-experienced-with-kids Dad. Jake smiled as he relieved himself of the moment when he splashed soap water into his Dad's eyes as he tried to overturn the rubber duck in his little tub. Despite being a seemingly rough and tough father, Jake's Daddy was surprisingly gentle and fun when he tried to make him take a bath. Daddy would always be the massive sea monster when they took baths together. He would get scooped up from the nice-smelling bath water for awhile and then Daddy would tickle him and put his nose into his hair to smell and snuggle him. It was comfy when he was held in his daddy's huge arms. Those tanned skin and strong muscles smelled of shampoo, his favourite one too. Like any other boy, Jake's ambition when he was five, was to grow up to be like Daddy. He wanted big hands and strong arms just like his Dad's. That would be so cool.

Scrubbing his mess of hair dry with a towel, Jake rocked back on his heels and dropped himself backwards into the huge king bed. He curled into a ball and inhaled the aroma of clothes softener on the fluffy towel he held. He felt hot chocolate swirling in his chest, warm and fuzzy. The high-quality bed gave him illusion of lying in a thick bed of clouds. It's like sleeping in his mother's arms.

Light crystallized blue orbs awakened as his eyes shot opened in an abrupt reminder of why he was here in the first place. He just had a playback of his life movie about all the wonderful times he had, so bathed in his own blissfulness that he forgot that he was now in the state of runaway-from-home.

All the happiness of recalling turned to bitter-sweet feelings that lied stagnant at the bottom of his heart as his pulse slowed like dragged footsteps. He suddenly realised how cold it was. Shutting the windows closed, his body shivered as if cool metal was ran over his skin, leaving goosebumps along its way.

He was confused and unsure of his feelings. He missed home but at the same time, he dreaded it. He wanted to return but fear of rejection and heart break was having a tug-of-war with homesickness. Of all his family members, the one he misses most and feared to be pushed aside by was his mother. The one who was always beside him when he was young, ready to catch him when he first walked; The one who was always behind him when he was running his first race; The one who was always worrying and fretting the most when he was being rebellious was his mother. But sadly, she was not the one who gave birth to him.

He missed those thin arms that held him so strongly and the soft, orange hair that tickled his shoulders as she leaned in closer to give him a kiss. The smile that erupted like a million fireflies dancing in the dark when he stuffed himself with spoonfuls of food while saying that it tastes great- he missed it too.

He pulled the blankets close as he lied down and turned the light off. He felt like a lost baby bird which fell out of its nest with nowhere to go. Exhausted, Jake allowed his eyelids to shut but sleep never came.

In the two months which he escaped from home to search for an answer, he did discover a part of what he was looking for. Standing in front of a vacant unit with the dog-eared note and the silver necklace clutched tightly in his hand, he awaited the arrival of surprise and realization, and finally, tears. His heart beat fast and furiously, like a wild horse galloping free in limitless plains. The anticipation and tension was at an extreme high and he could not help but knock again as silence ensued. But his knocks on the woodwork were ignored until one old, wrinkled lady who he supposed was the landlady, hobbled up to him and croaked, "Don't bother knocking anymore, nobody's living there anymore." Before she could turn to leave, Jake questioned in surprise, "Where did she go?" With a sigh of annoyance, the old woman grunted, "Emigrated." Stunned and aghast, Jake stood rooted to the ground as the bun of white, frizzy hair above hunched back disappeared down the dimly lit stairs.

He asked and bugged, but the elderly woman could not give him an answer as to where the one he was looking for had gone to. After draining all efforts to follow each ambiguous clue after another, he traced it in a beeline to her residence, the silver necklace in his hand. He thought he found it, at last, the answer. But to be disappointed after a whole marathon of seeking a person who he had no memories of, he felt extremely angered and upset that tears welled up in his eyes as frustration overcame him. He squatted in the middle of Street 53, his head in between his knees as he released all pressure by bursting out into tears, sobbing loudly. Passers-by gave curious looks at the strange young man who cried splittingly among crowds of busy office workers rushing on their way to work, oblivious to his surroundings.

Jake's disappointment and anger subsided to misery. Tears wet his face and blurred his vision. There were so many questions left unanswered. Tons of them raced in his mind and all of them pricked his feelings.

_Why did she leave me? How is she doing? What is she doing now? Why did she emigrate? Did she plan to abandon me forever? Why didn't she come to find me? Where did she go?_

_She didn't wait for me. She left for somewhere else. She's probably with her new family now, a new life, a man who loves her and maybe, new children. Maybe she forgot about me. How could she do that to me? So I don't mean anything to her at all?_

_Maybe that's better. I don't want to be a nuisance to her like how I was when I was born. I'm grown up now, I don't need her. Anyway, I've never needed her. But that was just cruel… I don't know why but I feel so upset. Why am I crying? She's not important. I've never even met her before! Why should I cry for her? She didn't wash my clothes, make my bed, send me to school, make me lunchboxes or even loved me before. She did nothing for me._

_But I feel needles inside of me when I think of how happy she must be right now, with her new family, her new children._

Jake lied in bed, considering his next step.

Should he keep searching even though his heart sank or should he go home?


End file.
